To be honest there was one particular chapter I was excited to read in my personal "journey through the Bible" this year. I know that the whole of scripture is God-breathed and useful, but I was looking forward to Hebrews 11, The Faith Chapter. I say was because last week I finally got to it and I must say that it was a lot more convicting that I remembered (hahaha).
I've always found this chapter to be so uplifting and encouraging - sort of like the "after" part of a "before & after" show on TV. Having read all the background stories of each of the people mentioned fairly recently, it was pretty great to see that even though they were flawed and they messed up along the way, their faith in God is what is remembered. As I read through the first twelve verses it was like pure encouragement to my wavering resolve to completely trust in God regarding his plan for our family. I even went so far as to pray that God would allow people to look back on my actions and say, "By an act of faith, Olivia waited and waited and waited for God to deliver a child into her family." (That's kind of embarrassing now as I read this, it sounds a pretty obnoxious...).
I then continued reading and got to vs 13, "Each one of these people of faith died not yet having in hand what was promised, but still believing." Pow! Smack! Wham! What a wake-up call! You see, I realized that what they were looking forward to was not worldly happiness nor life dreams fulfilled, but life eternal, life forever with God. I love how this next part is said in The Message: "How did they do it? They saw it way off in the distance, waved their greeting and accepted the fact that they were transients in this world. People who live this way make it plain that they are looking for their true home." Hebrews 11:13b-14.
Once again I was convicted that my focus has been drawn to what is happening (or not happening) to me in this world rather than looking toward things eternal. I needed some time to confess this before God and really make an effort, with God's help, to accept the fact that I am only a transient in this world. I desire that God will bless us with a child in this life, but I am not to place my hope in that desire. My hope is in God and in eternal life with him made possible through Jesus' death and resurrection. My eyes should not be downcast and disappointed, but looking up, peering toward my true home.
I feel like this is something that will be a constant struggle for me. Looking back over the short life of this journal I confirm that it has been on my heart often. I continue in my prayer that God will capture my full attention and that it will be his forever.