Over-sharing or Under-sharing

As I've written before, Jeremy and I had been in the adoption process for almost two years. Our agency was/is terrific at encouraging it's prospective adoptive parents to at least consider what life will be like after the adoption. They gave us a heads-up to the types of attitudes, misconceptions, and falsities that surround the adoption event. They also helped equipped us with lots of accurate information and powerful, positive examples to the beauty of adoption so that we would be able to stand strong in the face of negativity or have grace when correcting a misunderstanding.

This equipping began almost as soon as we signed the paperwork to begin our adoption process.  At this time, we decided that we were open to adopting a child of any racial decent. We felt/feel that the love for children that God has given to us and the desire to be parents is not influenced by the color of a child's skin or their cultural background. However, we were not blind to the fact that being a family of mixed cultural backgrounds would have been noticeable.  Therefore, while we waited we started preparing ourselves to be a family that "looked different" from most other families.  We read books, articles, blogs. I researched skin and hair care information and looked into local school diversity statistics, etc. However, the biggest, most constant preparation was the almost daily development of what would be our "adoption conversation" - I guess more accurately, it woud be "adoption conversations." There is the adoption conversation that we have with our child, the one we have with family and friends and the conversation we would have with random people on the street that ask about our child. For two years we had been prepping ourselves mostly for the latter conversation. The former two are mostly dependent on the actual situation that would come our way. 

Our dilemma was this - how do we be open and positive when we talk about our adoption, but not be too open and lose all sense of family privacy? We were helped in the knowing that we were not the only ones to ever have that question, in fact we have a few close friends that are in the very same place. We knew that they would be open to helping us make the transition necessary to be a multicultural family. [Man, I feel like this part is dragging on forever, but it is important to the question I now have been struggling with.]

Ok, so I said all that to give the background for what I spent a few weeks working out in my brain ... our son looks like us! Now, don't get me wrong, I think he is the most adorable thing in the world, I know that God planned him for us and we are so in love with this little boy, there is no hesitation what-so-ever in claiming him as our son. But, I didn't plan on him looking like us! :oD I struggled with feelings of guilt that I wasn't sharing at least some of our adoption story each time someone said, "He is such a cute baby!" "He's how old? Wow, you look good (obviously assuming that I had given birth)!"  As if maybe it would appear as though I was trying to hide his adoption. It took me a while to realize that our family story was just that, our family's story. I don't have to share it with everyone I come in contact with and I can choose when and if I share it with those outside the family.

Jer and I are very firm with keeping some of Micah's story just for him and letting him learn how to decide when and if he shares it. I think it's kinda funny/neat that God had me experience just what I'm sure Micah will go through once he learns all about himself.  I hope that as I learn I will remember to share with him in his joy, excitement, confusion, frustration...whatever he may feel at that moment he decides to take ownership of his adoption story.

Yes, It's True...

I am a mom. 

I had hoped and dreamed of the day that I would get to say (type) those words. After 7 years of waiting for God to bless us with a child and 20 months of being an approved, waiting, adoptive mother - my dream has come true.  That feels like an understatement. God totally blew us out of the water with the amazing orchestration of our lives meeting up with our son's life. 

A couple Christmases ago a friend had given me this plaque. I hung it on our nursery door as a reminder that God is able to do so much more than we could ever think to dream. This Christmas, God gave us the gift of knowing that we would certainly be parents. We had the joy of meeting with our son's birthmother the week of Christmas.  She was so great to talk to and we felt so comfortable with her. We shared funny stories and just got to know each other a little bit - such a wonderful memory for us and one that we will be happy to share with our little guy as he grows up.

It was late at night on a Thursday when we got the call - our son was on his way - his birthmother was in labor.  Even with all of our careful planning and lists, it took us a half hour to get out the door and drive an hour to the hospital.

Catching a few long blinks while waiting.

After a long night of waiting and worrying and hoping and praying, our son Micah Benjamin was born at 6:32 the next morning! We were ecstatic! By 6:45 a.m. we were taken back to the nursery to see our son for the first time. Up until then, I had envisioned myself weeping at the sight but as we walked up to his bassinet, there was nothing but extreme joy and excitement in my heart - all I could do was SMILE. He was just the most precious thing in the world! The nurses were still doing their work, so we just talked to him and got to hold his hands as he showed off his exceptional lung capacity.

That day felt like an amazing dream and it only got better as time went on.  Since I wasn't recovering from delivery, I had the joy of giving Micah his first bath, Jeremy helped the nurse capture Micah's footprints and we both got to comfort him after the unpleasant experience of getting his heel pricked a few times. The hospital stay was another gift from God. We actually got to stay in our own room in the hospital AND Micah roomed-in with us! Such a gift that we could only wish and dream about before.  Those two days felt nice and long - we got to get to know our little baby boy while surrounded with such an awesome nursing staff, such a luxury.

Then it was time to leave. We were so excited and yet of course scared to leave the security of the hospital. The drive home felt so surreal, it was an hour drive that seemed to hurry past and then, we were home: Daddy, Mommy and Micah, the family that God created long before any of us were born.

The past six weeks have been such an amazing gift from God. We are parents, complete with the sheer joy of seeing your baby smile (even if it isn't at us yet) or happily kick his legs off in the bath or when the doctor says, "he's a very healthy baby," the sheer exhaustion of multiple wake-ups in the middle of the night,  the frustration when he wakes up as we put him down, the deep satisfaction when he calms down as we pick him up.

We have been standing here watching God take care of every detail that we were worried about as well as new details that came up along the way. We have seen him give us way more than we ever thought possible. We know that as Micah grows up and we grow as parents our God will continue to orchestrate our lives to bring about all the glory due His awesome name.

We praise God for His awesome love for us! For being faithful in all His promises!

He gives childless couples a family, gives them joy as the parents of children. 

Hallelujah!

Psalm 113:9

Journal? What Journal?

There has been a lot going on this past month. So much that I haven't had the time or the mental capacity to sit and write a journal entry.  They only reason I'm doing it now is because I already know that it will be short and sweet and that I'll fill in some details at a later date.

So, here's what's been going on in my life this past month:

12/19: We received "the call" and were told that our adoption profile had been selected by a birthmother for her baby to be born mid-January.

12/21: We had our "match meeting" with the birthmother and had a wonderful time. We were able to laugh and share stories and felt like we really connected with her (as much as is possible in a 2 hour meeting).

1/14/11: Our son, Micah Benjamin Verrillo was born at 6:32am. The Lord blessed us with the ability to be with him from 10 minutes after he was born, only leaving our side for about 2.5 hours in total so far. What an answer to prayer! He is just the cutest little baby and it is such a joy for us! 

That's all for now, I promise to write more later. For now though, I feel kind of like a funnel - there's so much emotion, thoughts, etc on one end and only a few are making it to the surface for now. 

God Bless! Hope to be back soon!